I really love your kid...

Listen...I did't get all dressed up and hire a babysitter to hear about your kid's poop..

but please spare the talk about his/her poop. I am almost afraid to post this PSA because I believe it is so frowned upon to "provide helpful guidance" (umm hummm give unwanted parenting advice from someone who has no experience parenting), especially when that subject requires the parents to censure their talk about the baby. Please don't get me wrong; I love seeing my friend's kids. I kind of flipped out when my first close friend announced she was expecting and had a slight panic attack in the back seat of her car (really supportive friend) but now I am genuinely happy for my friends and enjoying stalking facebook pic of their cute little ones and hearing about all the firsts... well maybe not all their firsts! At first I thought it was just me. We are coming to that point in our life where people have...BABIES. Lots and lots of babies. Last year our fridge was covered with wedding invitations and this year the invitations have been replaced with baby announcements. The vast majority of my friends make motherhood look too easy honestly. Most of them area already skinnier than me (again) and seem to be too cool with their designer diaper bags that don't even look like diaper bags. Then...there are the slight few (obvi you are not one of them) that think for some God known reason that I am interested in their kid's poop/problems with pooping/accidents/etc. I mean some stories about a boy peeing on the dad's face are kind of funny but it is a slippery slope. So anyway, I thought I was the only one with this "problem" but oh no. I went to happy hour with a friend this weekend and she brought up how a lady in her supper club ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT HER KID'S POOP! Wtf? At supper club? Omg, where is the countess, elegance has not been learned. My friend said the lady will go on and on about sickness in the potty, or nasty cold and what color snot is etc. And then talks about needing an outlet so she won't just talk about her kid's production of waste but hello? All she talks about is her kid's nastiness! My friend was brave enough to attempt to change the subject suggesting they talk about something more appealing at dinner and she was served a huge dose of the Mom shame. What is Mom shame? It goes a little something like this, "oh, you'll totally understand when you're a Mom". Ouch. Maybe she is right. Maybe I will one day be able to write a dissertation about the different colors, textures, smells and stain qualities of baby waste. Maybe I will rent bill boards educating the USA about how corn can disturb the toddler's digestion system. (totally just made that one up) But I'm gonna bet that I won't. Perhaps we sans kids will learn more about the never ending grossness that comes out of little ones but I pray to all things Holy that I won't rant to anyone about it unless they are a medical professional! I don't really know what the answer is. I guess if poop, snot etc where my normal I would want to complain about them too, and I don't want my friends with kids to no longer talk to me... but then again, I want us to still act like adults... well not like real adults... I mean adults that like to drink wine, watch too much Bravo, cuss, stay up too late, stalk blogs and pretend to be well-read, listen to pop music, and play on facebook...you know, normal.

For Natalie's News this has been, Natalie-Corinne.