if you give a mouse a cookie

Some people are really great in a crisis. It seems like some folks just know exactly what to do when something goes awry. Someone has a seizure? Certain privileged people jump into response situations as if they were given a magical gift from God to know precisely what to do. Ladies and gentlemen, I am not one of those people. In very rare situations, I will rise to the occasion and know how to direct a group of rowdy students, sing a difficult aria without showing that I am literally seconds away from peeing, but when something is really...like really serious..you best find someone else.

First sign that I would never be a "first responder" type was in high school when a girl had a seizure beside me in choir and I literally just stood there and...kept standing. A girl had to leap over me to help the victim. The same incident happened in college when a girl exiting the performance auditorium had a seizure and hit her head on a trashcan and then the floor. I froze. I heard someone yell, "we need to call 9-1-1" and I had some ability after what seemed like hours to attempt to hand someone my phone. The actual task of dialing those numbers myself way way too difficult.

Omg finding pictures for this blog made my night. Apparently confused woman in google search = Mom jeans.

Lastly and probably most embarrassing (which begs to wonder, why I would share this online for all 6 of you to read) was a few years ago in the Dillard's bathroom. I was Christmas shopping with my Mom and can even remember what I was wearing. I had been working out quite a lot then and was wearing cute jeans from Wet Seal with sequined designs on the backside and a very vintage orange jacket from American Eagle. Anyway, we were in the bathroom and I was looking at my...butt. I'll admit it. I also looked at my face, put on more makeup, played with my hair, etc while I waited on my Mom. As soon as my Mom walked out she ran, no sprinted to this woman sitting in a chair in the "lounge" (I love that Dillard's is that fancy) half way falling over. The poor soul just had a heart attack...and I never. noticed. My Mom noticed right away and went to aid this poor lady. She knew exactly what to do.

Another priceless google find. Were you even aware that heart attacks had clip art? Much less clip art with one-eyed monsters? Success.

Flash forward a couple of years and we are now home owners. I wanted some decaf coffee, I went to the pantry to get the decaf coffee. That's when I saw it. I came eye to eye with a MOUSE. A flipping field mouse. I screamed bloody murder and then this heroic dance/run/panic/jumping frantically move all around our house. P said it sounded like "a puppy  being murdered". When P investigated we (ha, he, obviously) found a hole in a pipe where the sucker got in. He found some traps (we have those?!) and took care of everything while I threw away all of our food and then slammed the door and hid in another room while begging P for a week in a hotel just to make sure. He seemed to think my request was a little ridiculous (cautious, hello? anyone?) and assures me everything will be fine tomorrow. He is somehow fixing the pipe and has acquired more traps than should be legal.

Moral of this story? If we are ever going any location where anything at all dangerous ranging from a hangnail to a Sybil-like meltdown, we best have a third party or cell phone coverage because I unfortunately am not your girl. I really hate admitting that I am not good under pressure, I feel like it's a quality that I should obtain alas, this is not my gift.

For Natalie's News this has been, Natalie-Corinne.