crisis in oxford

Natalie's News is first on the scene to report the minute by minute details of the crisis in Oxford. We're in deep trenches of night five with out air and all here at Natalie's News are struggling to stay sane in this sweltering Mississippi heat. I've moved everything downstairs to the den and am living hillbilly style with the windows up with fans in the window seals, oh yeah we did it. Even better, not all of our windows have screens (thanks cheap landlord) so we have to put pillows on either sides of the fans to keep the cats out. I thought about taking a picture but I'm afraid creating evidence of this "caliber" of living will prevent me from staring in the next "real housewives" show on Bravo. My goal is to have the body of Bethenny (from New York and pictured left) with the trash talk of NeNe (from Atlanta and pictured right). You may ask how I plan on becoming a real housewife when I am not rich or married...well those details are not planned but I DO know that I have the attitude and party planning ability to put those divas to shame...But right now I'm far away from staring in anything except with the boys on the road of the famous Blue Collar Comedy Tour. I bet their buses even have air, although the excessive stops for generic cigarettes, KFC, and Natty light would get old.

In other news, I'm slightly dramatic (NO!) and am totally afraid I have the beginning stages of the Swine Flu. It's really just allergies that have moved down my nasal passages to my chest (hot) but I'm convinced by the hourly news reports about swine flu that I will be the first confirmed case of Swine flu in the great state of Mississippi and then forced to be on Oprah (pictured left). No, not trying to make light of the seriousness of the swine flu, I guess it's my way of dealing with it. When I was afraid of the Bird flu my former fellow ocd roommate Ann Marie and I began stocking up on can goods, bottled water, shampoo, soap, books, etc. Yeah it was totally insane but I partially blame Tom Cruise's War of the Worlds and the hysteria that took over for our "odd" preventions. Finally we eased up on the planning and I forgot about the BOXES of supplies underneath my bed until I moved last summer. It was a funny and disturbing sight to see the samples of supplies we hoarded for a while. Or maybe further notice that I spend the rest of my days locked safely away in a home. Take your pick.

Well I should probably get to bed or MY COUCH (thanks Ray!). I wish everyone a swine flu free and cool day! For Natalie's News this has been, Natalie-Corinne.