karma, you jerk.

Lying sucks.

I lied for a cheaper massage. It did not go so well. Yesterday I was invited to a wonderful baby shower luncheon for my friend Sarah. She is beautifully expecting her second child in February. Being the constantly southern lady of course I wore a dress, black tights and knee boots. After great conversation a salad with fruit and countless cups of coffee, I visited the ladies room...when I realized it.

Holy God, I didn't wear panties.

Yeah, I was wearing pantyhose so I didn't wear panties because obviously I didn't want panty lines. Normally this would be totally fine but I was about to get my massage on as Ms. Jenny Sawyer. I didn't want to bother the far classier, non-mimosa drinking crowd of my panty situation so I just sat and planned my next plan of attack. I was supposed to be there 15 minutes early  because "it was my first massage ever". I had around 21 minutes so what was I supposed to do? Go to Target and get some cheap granny panties or be super late?

So I was late. I got there only five minutes before and it was like the world ended to these people because I was not there in 15 minutes to hear the dissertation describing the health benefits of massage. I love how they have clipboards just like doctors and scrutinize over your "problem areas". Amazing. Anyway, I walked into the "tranquility room" aka waiting room with a fountain and waited. "Jenny" was called and I proudly remembered my name and met creeper Mccreepiest Alan. I knew me and Karma had just met up and she was waving her naggy little finger all up in my face. Sometimes I have a feeling about people or a situation. I told myself I was being too judgemental and to just relax but unfortunately this did not happen. Old Alan was all wet noodle, talked way too much (hello, I do not want to talk to you!) and not what I had in mind for a relaxing afternoon. On the plus side I had no trouble turning down the request to join their members only club. I said with all honesty, "no I'm not interested and I won't be coming back" I should have added with this name or any other alias but I chickened out. So not that I ever needed reminding but I guess I did. Lying is not my gift and somehow the universe finds a way to punish me when I attempt the trickery. I swear off lying unless I'm surprising someone with something wonderful, giving my weight, or I deem the act just really important. Other than that, it's gone for GOOD!

For Natalie's News this has been, Natalie-Corinne.

Jenny Sawyer

R.I.P.